2012, the Apocalypse, and Impromptu “Bucket Lists”
2012: the end of an era… or so some people interpret from the Mayan Calendar. Incorrectly. Or is it? I highly highly highly doubt that the world is going to end on December 21, 2012, but just in case… what do I want to do before the apocalypse happens? What do you want to do? I know that people spend more than half of their lives creating, building , and expanding upon a bucket list (as Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman showed us), but what about for those of us who are still in our 20s and 30s, with (hopefully) well over half a lifetime ahead of us? Of course we have the “oh well I want to go to Egypt/Hawaii/Europe/whatever before I die” because we don’t have the money for it now, along with other goals that require the savings and free time that only come with retirement or winning the lottery. But if the world does end in a week and a half, what do we have to show for it?
That’s where the Impromptu Bucket List comes in. It’s not drunkenly illegal enough to get us thrown in jail if the world does not in fact end, but it is ostentatious enough to puff your chest out and say “HEY! That’s right, I did that!” before whatever fate befalls us at the end of next week. You don’t want to be Steve Buscemi taking out thousands of dollars in loans to blow on hookers before blasting off to stop the asteroid and then owing the loan shark all that money upon your return. You want to be the heroic guy/gal who pulls off the totally story-worthy shit that gets you the fandom you deserve if/when the apocalypse comes. Whether it is a grizzly end that validates our Impromptu Bucket List, or (more likely) and anticlimactic Friday that still validates our Impromptu Bucket List, you’ll still feel good about this upcoming week and a half. Who am I kidding though, unless you work on the weekends what Friday is ever really anticlimactic? Grab some beers after work to celebrate the end of the world! Worst case scenario? Being slightly embarrassed that life still exists and having beers on a Friday night! I mean… worst case scenario: end-of-the-world. Yeah. That’s it.
Either way, I digress. Let’s get back to the Impromptu Bucket List. What I’d like to do is give you a couple key pieces of my personal IBL, some tips, and then you can go off and construct your own! Here they are:
_X_ Prep for the zombie apocalypse: Done! While we aren’t sure whether End Times means the end of all existence, the rapture, or just some sort of earth altering event, we have to be prepared for every eventuality. For zombies, I have a survival plan, weapons, rendezvous point with friends, plans for food and shelter (and alcohol), along with the surprisingly beneficial and important survival methods that I learned from the Run For Your Lives 5k Zombie Obstacle Course. (read more on that here!)
_X_ Don on a final end-of-the-world costume: Done! I love costuming. Especially themed costuming. And even more so when I can dress up my Inquisitor tattoo as well. So when I had the opportunity to attend a party that was not only for fabulous birthdays in December, but also for the End Times, what could I do but get three other people together and arrive as the Four Horsemen? You had better believe that if the world is coming to an end, I will be the one of the ones that will herald it!
___ Greet each day with life-affirming coffee. Because unless we live somewhere that can support Coffea sp. trees and have a cow following us around, we will never have coffee with cream again after the apocalypse. Especially where coffee is concerned, treat each morning as though it may be our last to enjoy a hot cup of that muddy ambrosia. We’ll know for sure after next Friday if our beloved morning ritual will continue or not.
___ Get through as many books on my to-read list as possible. Titles include, but are not limited to: Contact – Carl Sagan, Pariah – Dan Abnett, Creatures of Light and Darkness – Roger Zelazny, Cold Days – Jim Butcher, Ringworld Engineers – Larry Niven, Snow Crash – Neal Stephenson, Let the World Burn – Various Authors (Short stories set in the Warhammer 40k universe), Neuromancer – William Gibson, and the list goes on… As you can see, this is an unobtainable IBL goal, but a good goal nonetheless. If I can get through at least two of these books it will still leave plenty of time to do everything else on the list.
___ Sing on stage. I know, kind of cheesy, but a valid bucket list item nonetheless, even if it is only listed on the IBL. There’s an open mic thing at a hipster place on Wednesdays that some people I know go to, so it is a totally doable item. Hey. No snickering or making fun unless you do something cool too. I mean, unless you do something before it’s cool. Because that’s what you do at hipster places, right?
___ Bring in the “End of the World” in style. Whether it’s giving the finger to a big asteroid wearing a tux and swirling some scotch, killing hordes of zombies with mind bullets, or just getting trashed with friends, next Friday needs to be done in style. I mean come on, chances are nothing beyond drinking lots of booze and being awesome is actually going to happen. But on the off chance the world really does end, do you really want to be sitting at home with your thumb up your nose? I didn’t think so. Because let’s face it. We’re all intelligent enough to know the world’s not going to end. We’re all also intelligent enough to recognize that there’s always *the chance* of some crazy prediction like this being right, no matter how unlikely. And that miniscule chance of the world ending is merit enough to just be awesome for one night and give it your best. I know I will be.
So I call on all of you nonbelievers to join in with me and use the itsy bitsy, totally unlikely, but miniscule possibility of the world ending to raise your glasses and be awesome from (at least) now until next Friday. Do some of the (legal) things that you have always wanted to do but have been too chicken to do or “just haven’t gotten around to it.” Let the Mayans put a fire under your butt to actually get some fun stuff done. Because if the 0.01% totally unlikely chance of the world ending isn’t going to do it for you, I don’t know what will! So go forth, wreak some (non-arrestable) havoc and give a big finger to the Old Ones waiting for the End Times to consume us.