Return of the Forgotten Holiday: Pornstar Edition
Now that I have your attention, I’d like to turn it to one of the best yet perhaps most forgotten holidays of the year: Thanksgiving. Yes we all remember it now while our stomachs are still distended from stuffing our faces the previous day and night, but today also marks the start of the official holiday season. Let’s be honest though, we shouldn’t even be calling it the holidays. It’s the Christmas season, though not necessarily “Christmas” as in anything remotely related to religion. The Christmas season, especially here in California, has become synonymous with buy-lots-of-stuff-and-pretend-we-live-where-it-snows season. Not only that, but each year it creeps earlier and earlier and has done so enough times that it has all but wiped Thanksgiving out completely! Tuesday Morning Quarterback refers to this phenomenon as the Christmas Creep. He recounts that “not long ago, Christmas creep occurred on any observations or decorations before Thanksgiving. Now, holding off on Christmas kitsch until Halloween ends is viewed as incredible restraint.” -Gregg Easterbrook, TMQ
In the past at least Black Friday waited until the clock struck midnight to descend upon the entrails of the T-Day carcass and begin the national Christmas shopping day. This year however, this vulturous “holiday” began circling down while we were still eating our pumpkin and sweet potato pies. A large number of stores had the audacity to open their doors at 9:00pm or earlier ON Thanksgiving. The nerve! Because Thanksgiving quickly began losing footing as well as supporters and advocators, it was forced to take drastic action. After my wonderful photographer friend Brian J. Matis was kind enough to let me borrow one of his cameras, I took advantage of Thanksgiving’s precarious and vulnerable situation and talked it into posing for some smut photography. While you partake in (or avoid) the easily agreed upon busiest shopping day of the year, take a moment and think about how it and everything else Christmas related has forced Thanksgiving to stoop to… Pimped-out Food Porn! Enjoy
The Antipasta (background wine glass used for scale). Widely viewed as the only acceptable way for any good Italian to start off Thanksgiving. As an Italian-initiate, I was introduced to this daunting appetizer after the first Thanksgiving with my wonderful fiance. The bottom layer is layered ham slices and imported hard salami. Next is the sliced cucumber, pickles, marinated mushrooms, green olives, and black olives. Finally it is topped with artichoke hearts, peperoncinis, imported Italian provolone (if there’s one thing we’ve discovered it’s that California does NOT offer a good variety of quality cheeses), and then drizzled with the juices of each of the marinades. It is quite literally a party in your mouth!
While the Antipasta was busy strutting its stuff, the wine bottles were made ready. The Gewürtzraminer was allowed to chill for a brief period of time while the Syrah was cracked open and poured into a decanter. The Gewürtzraminer traveled all the way from the Finger Lakes where it had grown in the cool climate of upstate New York and developed the sweet and smooth taste that only a properly developed Gewürtz can. Its new friend the Paso Robles Syrah brought a marvelously classic Rhone varietal that helped it pair very well with all of the foods that were a part of this year’s T-Day and feel more at home.
After the wine and appetizer warm-up T-Day really got into the spirit of the season and brought its best to the table, so to speak!
With a little encouragement paired with the assurance that it would not be forgotten or pushed aside with the rest of the “holiday” hype, Thanksgiving really put on a good show for us this year. T-Day really showed us some nice legs and thighs, with some added perks. Garlic potatoes mashed with sour cream and freshly picked chives were happy to be drenched with homemade gravy (we got the gravy drunk with some white wine first!). Green beans were steamed al dente, drizzled with olive oil and spices and played nice with the wet stuffing that had roasted with the cooked bird. Cranberry relish had spritzed on a little orange zest just for the occasion and was a fantastic addition to the palate. T-Day really got into it this year as if in defiance of the Christmas Creep!
Much to our delight (well, Ruby’s more than ours) there was an added doggy bag in it for our four-legged friend…
And just when we thought we had seen everything Thanksgiving had to offer us this year, it really brought out the reserves to end the night on a sweet note. Sugar, spice, and everything nice (and gluten free for family with Celiacs) was the best finale we could have asked for to keep T-Day fresh in our minds after the clocks hit twelve and mark the start of Xmas madness across the nation.
So while you all are waiting in lines for sales, browsing Amazon for their Lightning Deals, or making a bunker out of your home to avoid any and all holiday craziness… just remember what level Thanksgiving had to stoop to in order to be remembered this year. Major holidays should not have to pose for Food Porn in order to get the attention that they rightfully deserve. So shame on you and the rest of our country for participating in the Christmas Creep when you should be thankful for something special in your life (even if it’s food porn), as well as everything T-Day stands for. Happy Day-After-Thanksgiving everyone!